Sarah Choi was recently baptized at IBC during a special Baptism Evening Service. During her baptism, she gave an amazing testimony of her life and conversion. What follows is the text of her testimony.

BAPTISM TESTIMONY Sunday, February 13, 2005

Let me share with you a story about God’s amazing grace, faithfulness, and LIFECHANGING POWER. It’s a story about how God saved a “little girl lost.�

She was born into a churchgoing pastor’s family and grew up thinking that “going to church� equated to “being a Christian.� She believed that, as a family they went to church, so as a family they’d go to heaven. But, there were so many contradictions that she couldn’t find answers to. Most of her childhood was filled with confusion and major chaos within her family. Often times, she saw her family at the verge of breaking apart. She saw horrifying scenes that she didn’t understand unfold before her eyes over and over again. And she couldn’t make sense of any of it. She always sensed that God was there, so she knew she could never deny God, but she didn’t know exactly where He was. Nobody ever told her that a personal relationship with God was possible- for most of her life, she never knew it existed. So she just tried really hard to cope with her situation in the midst of feeling so alone, lost, and helpless. She found herself asking questions like, “God, I know You’re there, but how come You seem so far away? How could You let such horrible things happen in my life? What did I do so wrong at such a young age that I would deserve to go through such experiences?� And she remembers telling herself time and time again, “Death has gotta be better than a life like this…� She felt trapped in a vicious cycle of confusion, anger, and extreme ups and downs. Worse yet, it didn’t help at all that she was part of a “pastor’s family.� Because, for as long as she could remember, she knew not to ever talk about what happened behind closed doors with other people. She felt like she was about to explode so many times trying to bottle everything up inside, but she trained herself to put on the “image� that was expected of her. She spent most of her life trying to run away from her situation. But the more she tried to shut it out, the more it came to haunt her back again and again…

And then came a time during the end of her high school years that her so-called “faith� was challenged for the first time in her life. The faith that she thought she had, was faced with unexpected questions. The pastor at the church she was attending at the time would often end his messages with a series of questions along the lines of “Are you REALLY a Christian, or are you just fooling yourself?� Basically, he was asking, “Are you really walking the walk, or are you just talking the talk?� And the thing was, these questions terrified her. She would wonder why the pastor would ask such questions to people who were coming out to church. Wasn’t it enough that they were churchgoers trying to live good, Christian lives??? ‘Why was he asking us these questions?’ she would think to herself. So, although it bothered her that these questions made her feel extremely uncomfortable and extremely doubtful of her faith, she decided to give it some time before she told anyone. She just didn’t want to deal with the “consequences� of exposing herself in that way. So she just let these questions linger, hoping that one day they would go away or get resolved…

Then came her college years. She was excited for this fresh new chapter in her life. Little did she know that there would be events beyond her imagination awaiting her in the years to come…She clearly remembers hearing this unforgettable statement during her freshman year in college: “CHRISTIANITY IS NOT A RELIGION. IT’S A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST.� It instantly caught her attention because she’d never heard of such a thing before. She wondered why no one had ever told her about this in the past, especially after going to church all those years. She was dying to know how to start a “personal relationship with Christ.� For the first time in her life, she was seriously interested in finding out how she could know God “personally.� Through her church in college, she was exposed to the TRUTH in a way she’d never been before. It was SO REFRESHING for her to hear the truth being proclaimed in such a straightforward way for the first time. After years of hearing “feel good� messages geared more towards saying what the people wanted to hear rather than preaching the Word for what it was, this was something that made her want to hear more and more. She couldn’t get enough of it. Excited to learn more, she immersed herself in church and Christian campus fellowship activities. Her interest and excitement for the things of God was indeed genuine. However, it was only looking back in retrospect to her college years, that she realized how she mistakenly equated “being a Christian� with the flood of “head knowledge� of the Truth she was exposed to for the first time, as well as the Christian activities she began getting involved with throughout her college years. And instead of learning directly from God’s Word, she would try to “imitate� a “real Christian life� by imitating Christians around her. She did finally understand that simply being a “churchgoer� was not enough, but she still didn’t fully understand what it meant to live a Christian life. She thought that she finally “got� it in college, but it was only looking back at these years that she would be able to see a clearer picture of reality. The reality was that, despite what she knew and believed “in her head,� her life remained unchanged and unrepentant.

Her post-college life was full of even greater surprises. Slowly but surely she found herself in a downward spiral. She started to wonder how she could be drifting away from the Christian life when she learned so much about God’s Truth in college. To make sense of it all, she began to relate the “Christian experience� with her “college experience.� It was easier to think that it was something that just happened to her “in college.� Maybe it wasn’t really meant for her. Maybe her time would come later. So, she decided to give up on even trying to fit the Christian “label.� And so she felt OK putting her feet in both worlds- she wanted to get the best of both worlds. She knew in her head that God was the only answer to resolve the mess in her life, but even as she saw things falling apart and go out of control, she saw herself running away from God rather than toward Him. She wasn’t willing to give up her sense of control to God. She found herself searching for ways to fill up the “void� in her life. Problem was, she looked in all the wrong places and just ended up feeling even more empty, discontent, and plain miserable with her life. She had no direction or purpose. And she was terrified of where she was headed. Drowning in sin, rebellion, confusion, and utmost depravity, there came a day when it struck her that there was something horribly wrong. And it came to a point where she literally saw herself walking towards the gates of hell. No wonder the passage she feared most in the Bible was Matthew 7:22-23: “Many will say to Me on that day. ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; Depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’ She saw herself in those exact shoes. She could vividly picture herself standing before God, anticipating those words that would cause her to tremble in fear, “I never knew you, Sarah. Depart from Me.�

Then came a day very recently when she finally faced the honest truth- She was finally able to admit to herself, to the world, and most importantly to God, that she had basically been “living a lie� all those years, “fooling herself� into thinking she was a Christian, when in reality, it was based on a false assurance and wrong understanding of salvation. This all came after a long period of going through a “STORM� at the beginning of her post-college life. And it took a LOUD wake-up call from God for her to finally listen. It was only very very recently that God changed her life 180 degrees and made her BORN AGAIN. All the past doubts, fears, discontentment, and years of trying to justify her sin were replaced with an incredible sense of everlasting peace, joy, love, assurance, and confidence in Christ alone that NOTHING in this world could ever take away. And so this longtime “little girl lost� eventually saw the beauty of being “FOUND IN CHRIST�. It was then that God allowed her to see that she was a wretched sinner in need of a Savior. And now she can say with confidence that, it was ONLY by the grace of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit that God revealed the eye-opening, mindblowing TRUTH through His Word. And it was this TRUTH that set her free from the bondage of sin so she could experience the amazing LIFE-CHANGING power of God. She no longer had to equate “being a Christian� with being a “churchgoer� or having “head knowledge of Christianity� or going through the “Christian motions.� God’s grace was, is, and forever will be sufficient. He is MORE THAN ENOUGH for her. This girl who once wandered around in the deepest darkest pits of sin now enjoys a NEW LIFE in Christ. God turned her life around and it will never be the same. There is NO TURNING BACK. She now found something worthwhile- something worth living AND dying for. In His perfect timing, and in His perfect way, God took her to a place of REPENTANCE, OBEDIENCE, and SURRENDER. Now, she can’t help but to share about her new life in Christ with all those precious people God sovereignly placed in her life. And she can’t ignore the compelling desire in her heart to share about the COMPLETE SATISFACTION and overflowing JOY that comes from KNOWING GOD as your personal Lord and Savior…She doesn’t see life, people, or the world around her in the same way anymore. God amazingly gave her a burden for the “dying souls� around her that she’d never really noticed before…

As you can tell, this is the story of how God saved me. The “little girl lost� was who I was when I was blinded by my sin. But God never let me go. He never gave up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself. I am so thankful for each new day that He blesses me with because it is a reminder of how God initially turned my life around at the time of my recent conversion, and how He continues to take me through a lifelong process of sanctification.

On a more personal note to you, I just wanted to share a beautiful blessing God showed me while I was at IBC (Immanuel Bible Church). I know I shared with a lot of you already, but I can’t stop expressing how thankful I am for the incredible love and gentle patience I saw in the believer’s at IBC. I started coming out to IBC not thinking that I would stay – I honestly thought that I would eventually move on to another church after visiting a few times. Of course I knew that it was a really good church- I thought the messages were great and the people were great and all, but my heart was in the wrong place at the time. I got into the “church-hopping� mindset thinking that IBC was probably just another church I was passing through…But God gave me so many wonderfully pleasant surprises when I least expected it. I knew that something was seriously wrong and missing in my life, but I was trying so hard to push it aside and put off dealing with it. Then, one by one, God started to place special people in my life to show me His way. And I can’t stop sharing how much I love IBC and how thankful I am to God for the amazing fellowship I get to share with the body of Christ here. It all started with a simple, burning CURIOSITY- I saw something SO VERY different in the people at IBC, and I just HAD to find out what it was. I couldn’t just walk away from it…and eventually, although I didn’t know that the time would come so soon, God showed me that what I saw was the CHRIST living in each of the believers at IBC…I saw the Christ in each of you…and again, as much as I wanted it so bad, I didn’t have the faith to believe I’d get to have that same gift so soon…I honestly thought that my time would come years later. But He went above and beyond my imagination to reveal Himself to me after I started coming out to IBC. One very crucial part of my testimony is the way God brought me to Himself through HIS WORD. Through the study of the book of 1 John with my discipler Ester (at IBC), I started to learn the “VITAL SIGNS OF SALVATION.� These included, Communion with Christ (i.e. Intimate relationship with Christ), Confession of Sin, Commitment to God’s Word, Compassion for Believers, Change of Affections (from “love for the world� to “LOVE FOR GOD�), Comprehension of the Truth, Conformity to Christlikeness, Conflict with the World, and Confidence in Prayer. I didn’t know it at first, but in the middle of this study, through the power of the Holy Spirit, God made the TRUTH so clear to me. He brought me to a point where I could finally admit that I didn’t have ANY of these signs of salvation. If I had at least one or two, I might’ve felt a little safe, but I didn’t have ANY of them. This bible study was a huge stepping stone in opening my eyes to see all the years of self-deception and false assurance being melted away by the POWER OF HIS TRUTH. I know that it wasn’t any person, church, bible study, or particular event that I could contribute it to, but I know for sure that many things were sovereignly orchestrated by God to bring me to a point of putting my faith in Christ as my Lord and Savior.

I’d like to share with you a quote from a book called “ABSOLUTELY SURE� by Steven J. Lawson. It’s a book that goes through the book of 1 John, and I’ve been going through it along with my study of 1 John with my discipler. Here’s a clip from the chapter on “Change of Affections.� This section is titled “COUNTERFEIT CHRISTIANS BEWARE!�:

“COUNTERFEIT CHRISTIANS BEWARE!�
It is within this context of warning against worldiness that John issues an even stronger warning:
“If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.� (1 John 2:15)

If I read this verse correctly, love for the world and love for God cannot coexist in the same heart. These two loves are mutually exclusive and diametrically opposed to each other. Either love for God will drive out love for the world, or love for the world will displace love for God. The two cannot reside within the same heart. A world-loving Christian is a contradiction, an oxymoron. One may say he knows Christ, but if he continues to love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

Conversion is a fork-in-the-road experience. The paths to two kingdoms lay before us- the kingdom of this world and the kingdom of God. To choose one is to refuse the other. No one can travel both roads at once.

-From “Absolutely Sure� by Steven J. Lawson (p.108)

I am thankful that God showed me the “fork-in-the-road� in my life recently and sovereignly led me to choose Christ over the world. I had been avoiding this step all my life and finally, in His time, He led me in His way. I see that God has changed my affections, ambitions, and dreams, and redirected them to follow His plan. He took me out of years of putting my feet in both worlds and allowed me to see the immense joy in following Him first and foremost. I thank Him over and over again for the drastic change in my life and a new heart to desire to know more and more of Him each day.

So here I am standing before you today to proclaim God’s amazing work in my life. All I can say is that this is nothing short of a miracle. Because He made what I considered impossible possible. And I give God all the glory for the miraculous change in my life. I am thankful for the power of the gospel that made me realize that I could never save myself. It is nothing I could do in my own strength or nothing that I deserve. It is only because of what God had already done for us in His perfect love and justice, through Jesus’ death and resurrection on the CROSS…I know I still have a long way to go, but I’m so excited to see what else God has in store for me in this amazing journey…

I’d just like to share a couple of prayer requests before I close:

First, for accountability- that I may be kept accountable by fellow believers in being faithful throughout my spiritual walk in the Word and in prayer, and that I may serve our Lord in continuous humility and joy. Second, for steadfastness- that I would have a strong, constant desire to grow intimately closer to Christ, and that my passion for the things of God would be used to glorify Him alone.

It is my prayer that God would lead me to live a life that reflects the testimony of Apostle Paul in Philippians 3:7-8: “But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord; for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ.�

Along the same lines, I’d like to end with one of my favorite quotes:

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.
-Jim Elliot, missionary martyr